I have no idea what to write about.

So feed me some ideas, if you want.

I don't have to go to work for the rest of the week (vacation days...yay!), and I have some time on my hands.

I read Kymm's post about why she hasn't been posting much lately and I almost left a comment there, but then I thought I'd say what I have to say here.  It'll give me something to write about.

In my last post I said that I didn't feel like writing much, and that's really not true anymore.  It's just that I'm not sure anyone will want to read what I want to write.  I'm still thinking about my Dad's last days and the funeral, and I just can't seem to get past that.  I feel like writing about it, but I don't want to bring the one or two people who read this down, so I've been avoiding the subject.  But, I need to get some things out, so if you don't mind......

My Dad was one of my role models.  He was a true gentleman who didn't say much, but he had a profound influence on his children.  He is missed greatly.

Since right befoe Mother's Day, he was in and out of the hospital and the nursing home, having surgeries and then recovering from them.  The first surgery was to drain some fluid from his lung, and we were told it went well, but apparently it didn't go well enough.

He developed pneumonia, had a blood infection that was also causing fluid to build up around his organs, and toward the end, it was difficult for him to breath and speak. 

He went into the hospital for the last time on July 3rd, and it was clear that his condition was pretty serious.  On the 4th, they began talking to us about what measures should be taken if Dad really took a turn for the worst......should they do CPR, or even go so far as to insert a breathing tube and keep Dad alive that way if he could not breathe.

It was so difficult!  Dad did not have a living will or any kind of document that said what his wishes were, but he and Mom had talked about it while he was in the nursing home and Dad had said then that he didn't was to be kept alive by machines.

But, when the doctor asked Dad what his wishes were, he was so weak and confused he couldn't give a very coherent answer at first.  After a lot of tears and prayers and discussion, Dad finally said that he didn't want to fight anymore.  And, so we tearfully told the CCU staff that we wanted Dad to be made comfortable, for him to have no pain, and what happened from there was in God's hands.  No CPR or other invasive measures would be done.

We played some of his barbershop music, and then sang some songs for him, but when he tried to sing along, he discovered he didn't have enough breath to sing so he asked us to stop.  He wanted to sing, too!

Then he was craving peanuts and popcorn....and pop.  The nurses said he could have whatever he wanted to eat, so we gave it to him. 

He was also greatly aware of how worried we all were.  He looked at us several times and said, "I'm sorry."  That was so heart wrenching.  He was the one who was sick, but he felt the need to apologize for our pain.  What a loving, kind man he was!

He was moved down to the hospice floor in the early evening of July 5th, and was unresponsive after the move, other that squeezing our hands.  He had a strong griip up until the very end!  His breathing grew more and more shallow during the night until finally at about 1:45am on July 6th, he breathed his last.

I'm so thankful that I have a big family.  I really don't know what I would have done if I had been the only one with Mom in that room that night.  Instead, all 6 of us kids were there along with other family and the Hartleys, who offered such loving support to our family. 

My Dad is now able to sing again.  So many people have told me that lately through messages and cards and conversation.  It's a comfort to know that he's also not in any more pain.

But, I miss him so much.  What an honor and a privilege to be called his daughter!

My Dad was 84 years old.  He was loved by many people.  And I thank God that I had him in my life for as long as I did.